Funny wedding vows that actually land

The joke-to-sincerity ratio

Aim for 4 sincere beats per 1 funny line. More than that, and the vows feel like a roast. Less, and your funniest moments lose their punch.

25 funny wedding vow examples

1. "I promise to never put your cast iron in the dishwasher, even when you're not watching."
2. "I vow to always pretend I didn't see the dishes in the sink — for about 10 minutes."
3. "I promise to remember our anniversary every year, and to never reveal which calendar app reminds me."
4. "I vow to share the last bite of dessert. Most of the time."
5. "I promise to keep believing your snoring is 'just heavy breathing.'"
6. "I vow to let you drive, even when we both know I'm faster."
7. "I promise to laugh at your jokes — including the ones I've heard 40 times."
8. "I vow to fix the wifi without sighing."
9. "I promise to keep our shared Google Doc of dinner ideas alive."
10. "I vow to never bring up the time you tried to assemble that IKEA dresser without instructions."
11. "I promise to be your designated 'is this a weird mole?' inspector for life."
12. "I vow to support every hobby phase — even pickleball."
13. "I promise to keep saying 'bless you' until the third sneeze, then quietly judge."
14. "I vow to share my fries. The first half. Optimistically."
15. "I promise to take the trash out within 48 hours of being asked."
16. "I vow to defend you in all group chats, even when you're objectively wrong."
17. "I promise to remember that 'I'm fine' has at least four meanings."
18. "I vow to never check the weather app more than seven times before a picnic."
19. "I promise to keep texting you photos of dogs we pass on the street."
20. "I vow to share streaming passwords forever, even after we're old."
21. "I promise to learn your coffee order and never get it wrong again."
22. "I vow to never use a passive-aggressive thumbs up emoji."
23. "I promise to be the first one in line for every concert you want to see."
24. "I vow to never disclose your real Letterboxd rating."
25. "And I vow to love you on the days when none of this is funny — even then."

Three traps to avoid

1. Inside jokes nobody else gets. One or two is charming. Six is a private conversation in front of 150 people.
2. Roast material. Never make your partner the punchline of a joke about their flaws. Make yourself the punchline instead.
3. Topics that get heavier the longer you sit with them. Exes, in-laws, finances — none of it lands.

Try our vow-writing prompts

If you're stuck, our how to write wedding vows guide walks through the 7-step prompt sequence we use with couples in Wedding Planner Central.

More vow inspiration

• Short wedding vows (under 90 seconds)
• Non-religious wedding vows
• Wedding vow examples for him & her